The previous post wasn’t the last you’d hear from me before my travels. I felt like I had to vent somewhere. Not a lot of people come here yet, and so I figured this was a pretty good bet.

You see, I need to vent because I’m constantly criticised, mocked and made to feel worthless, in my own home. I help out enough, I do daily “chores”, I pay board most months (unless I’m strapped for cash) but nothing is ever good enough.

I hate it. I get the same treatment no matter what I do. It’s got to the point where I’ve made a conscious decision that if I’m going to get shouted at for doing “nothing”, I may as well do nothing. No, this isn’t the end of the world, but it’s dragging me down day by day and I’m fed up of being made to feel that everything is my fault. Sure I’m not superman in terms of what I get done every day, but I do my bit.

I need to write. I need to create. I’ll feel better.

I’ve become a little addicted to Dexter. I’m almost halfway through the second season, and I haven’t even been watching for a week. I love the character of Dexter. I love the inner monologuing. I’m going to get the books, I think. I go away on Sunday, and would like to take them with me, but I don’t know anywhere that sells them.

I’ve found out that my local book shop does a writing competition based on horror and speculative fiction. I’m going to indulge myself and enter I think, perhaps see if I can use my newfound respect for Dexter as an influence. I don’t want to be too similar though, I’ll have to try and think of how I can attack this.


I’ve never tried writing a proper horror piece either, it should be fun.

I’m going away for a week on Sunday, so this is probably going to be the last time I write before I go. I’ll make sure to post a bumper blog on my return though ;).

I need to start anew.

Basically I’ve come to realise that everything I thought I wanted to write is outdated and outclassed. I need inspiration. I need new ideas. My college-based story came from me wanting to relive what I missed about my near past. That was wrong, and that is what cost me. I can see now that I was always limited by my choices, no matter how well I presented the outcome.

What happens now? I take a step back. I write. I create characters. I make them interact. I want to get back to the fun of writing, and the fun of writing is the thrill of new characters, new places, new tales. I want to create my own masterpiece - something I’ve lacked the determination to do for a long time.


Why did this take so long to realise? I’m stubborn, what can I say.

I’m the man that never commits. The man that never completes. But I’m the man that competes.

I’m so scared about the future. My job prospects are as glum as ever, and I’m scared to commit to something that is highly unlikely to work out. I’m stupid, I know. Successful people don’t get where they are by shunning risks, and I understand that; what I guess I need is stability. I like a support network of some kind. I guess I have that in a way, I have family, friends and a fiancée who I’m sure would stand behind me every step of the way if I found something I was truly interested in - that’s just the thing, though, I haven’t found it yet.

Every time I try to talk myself into some sort of career path, its a matter of hours before I’ve talked myself back out of it again. I’m an insecure person, I struggle with public speaking, and as such have ruled out teaching as a potential choice. With my insecurity comes shyness, although I’m improving with this all the time, and as such things like investigative journalism are ruled out. What you may or may not have gleaned from my past posts, though, is that I like creativity. I took creative writing because I enjoy the rush of a new project, the ideas that form when you’re focused on something. That’s what I want to do. I want to sit at a desk (or equivalent) and think of things, and then do them. Sounds so simple when you phrase it like that, but how many people are truly happy with their job? (and I don’t mean happy with their colleagues, I mean their actual job)

I tried to take Graphics at school, but unfortunately only two other people shared this interest and the course was dropped. I can use Photoshop, but not well enough to create a professional website, or food packaging etc. But that isn’t the point I guess. I shouldn’t have to depend on my schools failure to offer me the course I wanted, right? Why shouldn’t I learn these skills myself? It’s fine making excuses every day, like I do, but if I really want stability in my life can I afford to not take these chances? I like to think I’m good at what I turn my hand to, and as of today, I’m turning my hand to new things, and gaining new skills, and that’s that.

And there’s Chapter One of the story, done.

Or not.I apologise for my lack of recent updates. Uni work kind of took over and stuff!

It’s Christmas!!! Haha. I’m a big believer in traditions and so Christmas is a time I love. I love waking up early, the excitement of going downstairs, unwrapping the presents one at a time, bacon sarnies half way through. Christmas dinner at 3 in the afternoon, Top Of The Pops special, seeing family, the little pile of presents next to the christmas tree after you’ve unwrapped them. Boxing Day parties. I love snow. I love the feeling you get when you see in someones face that they like the present you’ve given them. I love the feeling you get when you see that feeling in the face of someone who’s present YOU’VE just opened. I love christmas songs - the bells, the cheesy lyrics about log fires and snow and Jesus and wishing it could be christmas everyday.

I love working in a supermarket and getting to see the effect it has on thousands of other people every time I go to work. I love people dressing up in stupid outfits. I love seeing a sea of santa hats, all with a jingle-y bell on the end.

And love the innocence of Christmas. And that is why I come to my next point - this STUPID campaign that just got Rage Against The Machine’s ‘classic’ “Killing In The Name Of” to the UK Christmas number 1 spot. What a ridiculous campaign that did absolutely nothing towards it’s aim of “dethroning Simon Cowell and getting him less money”. They think Xfactor will die because of this and they are deluded. I didn’t particularly LIKE the winners song but I bought it twice out of protest AGAINST the Rage Campaign. If people are like me, this really means that they got MORE money for Simon Cowell because of it. And I’m appalled that people wanted a song saying “Eff you, I won’t do what you tell me” (apologies for the paraphrasing, I don’t like to swear) to be number 1 at Christmas - I time that’s meant to be innocent and inoffensive and all about kids and childlike joy. I think it’s ridiculous that instead of getting a genuine christmas song to number 1 with such a campaign (which I would have supported wholeheartedly) such as Slade or Wizzard, or even Paul McCartney - which would have been ironic given his appearance on the Xfactor final - they chose a pathetic “rebellion” song.

Never mind though, eh? At least Santa’s still real.

So I’m ill.


I hate being ill. I’m rarely ill. I’d prefer bearable pain to illness. Basically, I’d prefer someone hit me with a spanner on the arm once an hour for a week, rather than be ill.


I’m quite proud of not being ill. My attendance has always been really good. At school and college my attendance was always over 98%, at work I’ve not missed a single shift in over 4 years, and at uni, well I’ve missed about 4 lectures in over 2 years. Like I said, I’m proud of it.

But now I’ve put off writing this bit, and I’m going to bed. What I was going to write, will be written tomorrow :).

Well the Noughties are almost over. A decade that’s seen me change an innumerable amount - grow an immeasurable growth and hear an unmentionable cacophony of songs.

I’ve seen it mentioned by many friends that they are compiling a list of top albums of the decade, and I thought I’d get in on the action. By the time the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve, I’ll hopefully have a list of 10-20 albums that have been the biggest influence in my life, and maybe if you’re lucky a list of individual songs. This is the draft stage, I’ll post the final thing in another post:

Lil Chris - Lil Chris
Lily Allen - Alright, Still/It’s Not Me, It’s You
Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
Mika - Life In Cartoon Motion
Will Young - From Now On/Friday’s Child/Keep On/Let It Go
Michael Jackson - Invincible
hellogoodbye - Z!A!V!D!
Green Day - American Idiot
Fall Out Boy - Infinity On High
Elliot Minor - Elliot Minor
Matt Willis - Don’t Let It Go To Waste
My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade/Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
Good Charlotte - The Young And The Hopeless/Chronicles of Life And Death/Good Morning Reviva
lThe Kooks - Inside In/Inside Out
The Feeling - Twelve Stops and Home
Darren Hayes - Spin
Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta Get Thru This
James Blunt - Back To Bedlam

So, I’m at University.

I take English with Creative Writing.

I’m in final year. This means dissertation time, woo!

I’m writing a story about a bunch of college kids. Now, parts of this story are going to be semi-autobiographical. Things that really happened to me are going to be reflected in it. Needless to say, I’m kind of excited to be revisiting the most fun year of my life in a creative way. I’m creating a gang of 5 characters, all interlinked yet not necessarily the best of friends.

The description is due in on Friday. I can’t post what I have in case I get accused of plagiarising myself, but some of the twists I have are going to be very fun to write.

My aim, if you were wondering, is to write a college narrative that’s actually believable, contrary to Skins.

Now, to write this bibliography…
Peace.

So, I found out this week that my mum finally relented and we’re getting a puppy sometime soon!

This might not seem like a huge deal to some of you, maybe even most of you, but to me it is. I’ve never had a real pet. Well - I have had pets, and they have been real, but they’ve been hamsters and goldfish. The last really interactive pet I had was when we had cats. That was when I was around 5.

I’ve wanted a puppy for a while, but I’ve really wanted one for about a year now. Last November, my girlfriend’s family decided to get a dog. One Saturday in November 2008 I went round to their house to be greeted by a shaky little Patterdale Terrier with a green bandana round her neck. This was Millie. Millie was from a local rescue home, who said she was 3. We later found out she was more like 1.

Millie wasn’t really mine, but she felt like mine. I bonded with her, took her for walks, played Tug with her.And then the girlfriend’s brother moved in with his girlfriend. I saw Millie less, but still saw her sometimes. For about two months…and then he sold her. One day I logged on to Facebook and saw the brother’s girlfriend had updated her status: “sad to see Millie go but she’s better with another family”. I didn’t even get to say bye :(.

And there started my want for a pet puppy.

A year later, and it’s happening :D.

Well, this is my blog. I intend to write at least one per week from here on. What will I write about? I don’t know, my job, my education, my family, my girlfriend, my life, other peoples lives, abstract ideas, the week’s news, hot topics. Anything. I need something to organise my mind, my thoughts and my motivations, and I think this is how I’ll do it.I guess I’ll leave you with that for now.Laters.